Black Gay Magic

Growing up, I didn’t fit the cultural definition of what a black man was supposed to look like. I wasn’t into rap music or basketball, and I was incredibly sensitive. I spoke well and made good grades, and on several occasions, I was told that this made me “white”—because heaven forbid positive traits be attributed to a black person. Best case scenario, I was black, but not “black enough.”

You can imagine my disappointment then, years later, when I was made to feel undesirable in the gay community because of my race. Sometimes, it was overt—with men (of various races) telling me that they didn’t date black guys. But often, it was (and still is) subtler, such as scrolling through Instagram accounts dedicated to “beautiful gay men” and seeing predominantly/only white faces. Being gay is so synonymous with being white that the gay pride flag was modified with black and brown stripes to include people of color, because the colors of the rainbow weren’t enough.

And yet, here I am. I am living proof that there is no one way to be a black man. We come in every form imaginable, and many of us are smart, well-spoken, and yes, undeniably fabulous. And as gay men, I hope we can normalize and promote the belief that men of color are just as worthy of love and inclusion as white gay men.

I’m grateful that I somehow made it to a place in my life where I can live with authenticity—to simply be 100 percent okay with being myself.

I’m black, and I’m openly gay, and I’m incredibly proud to be both.

June 30, 2020